


My Memories

by OriginofChaos



Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 18:13:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8295292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginofChaos/pseuds/OriginofChaos
Summary: It was only one mistake... But it ruined everything.





	

A formal suit, a sea of flowers, you... I'm standing here and about to cry. It shouldn't be like that, that’s not fair. Yet it is, and it’s breaking my heart. And there's no one to blame. Except for me. Only me.  
I don't want to be here. This is a torture for me, but I couldn't not come. I'm too overwhelmed with emotions and I don't even know what to feel. I wish I felt just like everyone else in this room. At least they know their emotions well, I can see that. But what’s left for me? I’m too confused.  
I remember it. Every single time, every single minute I spent with you. How could I manage to lose you? How could I even dare to do that? These questions will never be answered. And I don’t think I want to know the answer. All I can do now is to listen to the monotonous speech of the priest, yet I can’t hear what he’s mumbling about.  
A vivid memory passed through my brain. A memory of our first kiss. We were at my place, filled with tacos and alcohol. You were ranting about something that you never kissed anyone during your school days which were almost over. I had enough of hearing it so I leaned to you and kissed you. Although I don’t remember anything else from that night, this kiss is still the most vivid and the most wonderful memory I have. Also the most painful.  
We started dating then. The happiest days of my life were spent with you. All those embraces, gently touches, kisses… I still can feel it. And when we were making love… Oh God, it’s too painful to remember it now. I really wish I can forget it, but…  
But it’s not as painful as the next memory which already appeared in my head and made me cringe. The time I got scared. We already had a YouTube channel by that time, and we were somewhat popular. And then I got afraid of our relationship. I was scared that our fans would know about us and we would lose them. No, it wasn’t a thing I was scared of. I was afraid of a judgement. I didn’t want them to laugh at us and give us names. So I made a huge mistake, the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I broke up with you. I still remember your eyes, when you were accepting a thought of us being nothing more than friends. If only you knew how it hurt… I cried a lot after that happened. I understood that it was a grave mistake almost immediately, but I couldn’t bring everything back. I never knew how much I loved you until I lost you. We haven’t talked to each other after that for a while. But we decided that our past relationship couldn’t affect on our success, and eventually we became true best friends… I guess. Can one call something when one of the couple desperately in love with another one a friendship? I don’t even know.  
Then you started dating Melanie. Yes, she was a nice girl and you loved each other… And that was breaking my heart. But I didn’t show it to you nor to myself. I didn’t want to admit that I was so in love with you. I decided to move on and I found a girl too, but this relationship was toxic as hell. Strangely enough, I understand it only now. I have no idea why I was so blind back then. Was she covering her true character so well that I believed it was actual love? Was I trying to forget you that hard? One more question to the bank of never-solved mysteries.  
When we both broke up, I actually tried to get our love back. I asked you out, without any hope that you would agree. But you did, and I thought I’ve never felt happier than then. These were amazing 6 months. I was genuinely happy and I could tell so were you. But one day you said that you were breaking up with me. You said that you were in constant fear that I would give you up again and you didn’t want me to break your heart again. The world around me shuttered in pieces. I didn’t want to let you go. But, I had to, I didn’t want you to hate me and leave me forever.  
One fucking mistake.  
Two broken hearts.  
So here I am, standing in formal suit surrounded by a sea of flowers. I want to escape, but I can’t. The whole place is like a reminder that I’ve lost you forever. A piercing sound of a priest’s voice brings me back out of those painful memories back to the even more painful reality.  
“Do you, Ian Andrew Hecox, take Pamela Renee Horton to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”  
“I do.”  
Your words are sharper than razor. I can literally feel my heart breaking, but… what can I do? Nothing.  
“Do you, Pamela Renee Horton, take Ian Andrew Hecox to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”  
“I do.”  
And that’s it. I’m not going to cry, at least, right now. I’ll leave as soon as ceremony ends. I hope you’ll understand.  
Will I, Daniel Anthony Padilla, ever forgive myself for making that stupid mistake which ruined my life and happiness and led to the loss of the most meaningful man?  
No.  
I won’t.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for my absence. I was going through the stage when you feel ashamed for everything you've ever created. And I still am. Kinda.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
